Whom shall I fear?

Before we moved house, during the decision-making process (a rollercoaster of emotions in itself), I knew God was challenging me on a number of levels and preparing me for some of the changes ahead. If I was sure of anything in that period, it was that God was about to start chipping away at what is probably my biggest weakness: fear. Fear of many things but particularly of harm coming to the people I care most about, and ultimately of losing those people. Wow, that's honest! I've said it.

I was under no illusions about the place we were moving to, there were no rose-tinted spectacles in my glasses case - and not just because I don't have a glasses case! I knew that my determination not to fear anything other than God was going to be put to the test in a way it perhaps hadn't been up until then. I was pleasantly surprised in the early days of living here by my distinct lack of such anxiety. Knowing that we were living in the centre of God's purpose and will for us gave me such a peace and assurance of His presence that there seemed little room for fear.

That knowledge, trust and assurance that we are where God wants us right now still remains strong as we enter month number five on the estate, but frustratingly - and perhaps, inevitably - the fear has crept back over the past week or so. A number of things have happened in that short time which appear to have allowed all sorts of worries and concerns to flood into my mind, overwhelming me at times if I'm honest. One night in particular last week, I got a real taste of the battles going on in the spiritual realms as I lay wide awake throughout almost the entire night. I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say, it left me slightly shaken. What I'm sure the enemy didn't bank on though was that it would also leave me evermore determined to see God's light break into this place.

"We have not been given a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline" ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)

This verse has been speaking very strongly to me throughout the past few days, and I am reminded again of how important it is to hold onto such scriptures. It is vital that we love those around us and keep a sound mind, in the knowledge of the awesome power of our God; fear never leads to anything positive or productive and it certainly doesn't change anything about a situation, however frightening it might feel. As I look back over the many times I have been fearful in my life, whether over something trivial or something more serious, I cannot recall even one circumstance where that fear I entertained made one bit of difference to the situation or its outcome. All it did was paralyse me at the time when I most needed to be taking action or simply praying and giving it all to God.

As I lay awake that night, I decided to listen to something positive -anything would do at that point! I reached for the ipod and flicked through some of the Christian podcasts I had uploaded to see if any of the titles seemed relevant. One jumped out at me straight away, called "Ambushing satan with Song." Given it was the middle of the night and my lovely husband was sleeping soundly beside me, I knew I couldn't be doing any singing but the part about ambushing satan sounded good to me so I listened to what the speaker (John Piper, I think) had to say. It turned out to be teaching based on the passage in 2 Chronicles 20 about Jehoshophat. The short version of that Old Testament story goes something like this:

King Jehoshophat was informed that a whole host of people were planning to attack him and his people, coming from various tribes and nations surrounding him. It was immediately obvious that his armies wouldn't have a hope if they went out to fight as they were outnumbered beyond belief. His reaction to the news was to instantly seek God. He had the whole country pray and fast and as he gathered them, he cried out to God for them all:

"...For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you." (v 12)

God's response came quickly:

"14 Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jahaziel son of Zechariah... as he stood in the assembly.

15 He said: "Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. 16 Tomorrow march down against them...17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "
18 Jehoshaphat bowed with his face to the ground, and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the LORD. "

And that's exactly what they did; not only did they go out and simply stand but they put worshippers on the front line of the battle. As they marched out to the battle field and as they stood, they simply worshipped their God in heaven and waited on Him, trusting Him to fight for them as He had promised. And of course, He did!

Now I have been brought back to this passage in the Bible so many times in the 6 years since I first heard it, almost always at times when I've forgotten about its existence, and invariably when I have something to face which cannot be done in my own strength. This time was no exception, and it did its work yet again, leaving me much more peaceful and finally able to sleep. I cannot even imagine how fearful those people must have been, knowing such a vast army was coming against them, intent on destroying them and their homes. And if that's hard to imagine, the reaction of the King is just awe-inspiring in its impossibility! To simply say, "Okay Lord, we will trust you, no questions asked" is incredible, and something I aspire to! Us humans tend to have a lot of questions and for some reason we think we know better than God at times; we think we've come up with something He might just not have thought of, and we'd better just check He's aware of! :)


One thing in particular that John Piper said in that podcast grabbed my attention and still has hold of it now:

"The enemies of God are thrown into confusion by the songs of the saints!"

When the people of God are worshipping Him - whatever their circumstances - in spirit and in truth, the enemy cannot handle the confusion it causes. It's as if spiritual worship and spiritual warfare go hand in hand, and that encourages me. Worshipping God it turns out is a weapon, and it is definitely something I can do! What is there not to worship about Jesus? And I notice that as I worship, so many of those fears I'm harbouring begin to ease, or even evaporate. In the presence of God, with His light shed on them, those things suddenly don't seem so impossible. Perhaps that is the effect of that spirit of love and power and sound mind that Paul was talking about in his final letter to Timothy.

I'm not there yet with winning this battle against the spirit of fear - far from it - but God is doing His work and I hope and pray that perhaps this time next year I will look back and see a significant increase in my faith and reduction in my fears. Although, if we're praying for things, maybe I should pray for a complete absence of fear in my walk with Him. He can do anything after all; just ask Jehoshophat!